Recently, I looked through a collection of golf short stories written by P. G. Wodehouse, the prolific English humorist. He lived and wrote in the 1900’s (1881-1975). You may know him by his Jeeves stories, which were re-enacted on PBS years ago. His golf stories feature the Oldest Member, a fastidious and loquacious octogenarian who loves to bend the ear of fellow club members. After watching a foursome struggle to reach the eighteenth green due to their shot-making ineptitude, and noticing one of them rant at his caddie for moving while he was hitting, the Oldest Member remarks that few men have the temperament to play the game well. This, of course, reminds him of the following incident.
One day the owner of Paterson Dying and Refinery Company, approaches him for advice. Mr. Patterson needs to promote one of two career employees to the Treasurer position. He can’t decide which one to elevate because, although he knows them in a business sense, he doesn’t know their personal qualities…and a treasurer must be honest. The Oldest Member suggests an “ordeal by golf”—the phrase that lends itself to the title of the story. If Patterson plays each candidate in a golf match, he will find his man since golf is the ultimate window into a person’s character.
Both treasurer prospects belong to the club and the Oldest Member knows them. Unfortunately, the one that he likes better, Mitchell Holmes, plays with fits of anger throughout a round when his ball flies astray. The other candidate always plays in a measured and placid manner. Mitchell knows that his own prospects for the job are now poor since he has the wrong temperament on the golf course.
Mitchell’s helpful girl friend Millicent attempts to solve this problem by buying a book titled “Are You Your Own Master?” A quick look at it reveals to the Oldest Member that the author has merely restated Marcus Aurelius’ philosophical stoicism. Nevertheless, this might work. During the match, Millicent reads pithy quotes to Mitchell when he hits an errant shot or experiences bad luck. This works for the front nine, but not for the back when his ball is lost in a section of unkept rough. After an ugly temper tantrum, Mitchell realizes that he won’t win the match and offers to concede. Surprisingly, Patterson tells him not to because he wants to name him the treasurer!
What could possibly be the owner’s reasoning? “Why, when I played with [the other candidate], everything went wrong, and he just smiled and didn’t say a word. A man who can do that is not the man to trust with the control of large sums of money. It wouldn’t be safe. Why, the fellow isn’t honest!”
As a player who can gets upset after hitting several terrible shots, I’m proud to say that I agree with Paterson. If something is important, it’s worth my getting mad about because I care. After all of the practicing and studying I’ve done, shooting a respectable score is important, even if its average. When I see someone keep his cool after a series of foozled shots, I realize that he doesn’t really care what he shoots. Or worse, he’s not being honest about his feelings and the situation he’s in. He’s only out here for the natural setting and the camaraderie. If the bottom is falling out of the company’s profits or there’s an IRS problem, a treasurer needs to let people know. A little anger is the honest response here. And my dismal golf game is just as important as the financial viability of Paterson Dying and Refinery Company!